this tour is probably one of the best times of my life.

all the shows have been absolutely amazing and i've met a lot of really cool people.

and i guess compliments from unearth are a huge part of me being happy. seriously, fuck i'm stoked.

oh, and there's this girl. there hasn't been a girl in a while. we used to date. we stopped because i'm an idiot. now she's back. i don't know what she sees in me but there's one bit of certainty:

i can't stop smiling.

haha, seriously what the fuck.

=]

waaassaaabbiiiii

random little bits from the past 2 weeks.

hoe money



wwiilllsssoonnnn



if fagboy and i were little people at the guiness museum




thought about a friend for the phu. fucking precious.




heroin bob fagboy urinating on our secret spot



porky bunson in a youth large



you can't tell but there was an ocean of kids



my little man. the little phucker.



my awesome face.



an ode to the woman who taught me to live like there is no tomorrow.



my new pop punk toy haha =D



sunrise? sunset? only i know.



ry, essi j, myself, steve, cellblock

i'm going to write a book.

my dissatisfaction is bottling up inside. i don't trust anyone so i don't talk about it. writing has become one my greatest passions and i think it's about time i go with something untainted.

more often than not, nowadays, these bands are the pollution of the cure.
they started as flag bearers to a movement of independence and individualism.
acceptance among the unaccepted.
now it's the norm in the youth.
a race to the top?
the system found a way to plague them
before they even learn of the sickness.

"when did this lose all of it's meaning?
what pulled you away from this fight?"

it gives me the chills to think about this.
acceleration. the tempting of fate.
everything i have. in a flash.

"this may seem like nothing to you,
but it's all i fucking have."

courageous. i think i'll go sit at the park now.
the sky looks beautiful.

'primitive responses to necessary needs,'
is, ultimately, the reason this breathes.
we're animals.
we get our cravings.

see, we all respond differently.
we all act differently.
but we all want the same things.
when you get down to the specifics,
you might want a blue one.
she might want a red one.

bottom line, and pay attention:

you both want one.
you both want.
you both.
you.

just like every other one of you.
too much attention to the pretty.
not enough to the value.
same plague, different name.

my version of you enjoys the mystery
in knowing the possibility
of never-knowing
the never-known
so i can find a way to know it.

so, what do i crave?
the skin off of your face
stretched out across the canvas
that i paint with my finger tips.

exploitation.
welcome.

cokey?

haha ok maybe i have more to say. i saw stephanie last night. i was overwhelmed.

the tour is going extraordinarily well. and everyone is a great time. i've made a lot of really good friends on this tour so far and have added quite a few contacts.

hm...that's it

stoked

i finished tracking the guitars for 2 pre pro songs last night. i'm excited. VERY excited.

i finally leave friday. im even MORE excited.

other than that, im hungry and my head hurts.

thats about it.

FUCK YOU.

<3

birthday was pretty rad i've got to say.

i've never taken so much pleasure in not celebrating what "should" be celebrated. i had dinner with my family. both sides. i don't think i have EVER had that. its like all 3 of my lives came together for just one night. it was probably enough. other than that. i bought my bottle of jack kicked back and watched the outsiders. it was all i needed.

regardless, i still feel old. i sat on my balcony and watch people walk out of trader joes with their carts...and their kids, get into their bmw's and mercedes' and vroom book it. i walk to the deli just for the smell...well the pasta too...but secretely the smell more. shh. i drive by the park and watch the old men play chess and all the old women sitting around by the playground watching the kids play...i'm on my way. not. i can't really even say what i'm trying to say...not even here. i can't even get close to it.

oh i was buzzing my hair about an hour or 2 ago. i took my glasses off and forgot that i took off the clip...yea i buzzed a huge chunk out of the side...suuaaavveeee.

take the crown, the throne is mine.

bad news is always best to get out first.

a friend and a brother died a week ago. He was on tour in Russia when his band's bus was hit by another truck carrying lumber. He and Covan were hospitalized with head injuries. He died a few days later. We toured with Decapitated in the summer and Vitek was one of, if not THE coolest guy on the whole tour. Always upbeat, Always smiling and Always having a great time. We watched them play every single night. It was like an honor to be playing with these guys. It was like a dream come true. And of course he and the Decapitated dudes all became our boys by the end of the tour. It's such a loss to the family to have one of ours go down. Vitek...we miss you bro. Keep dancing the dance, because you know we do every day. Everytime I pop open my Jack don't even think you're getting away without taking some shots with me.

Rest In Peace

it always puts me in the worst mood to even think about the loss...but on with the good news.

2 reasons why I'm fucking stoked.

ryan and I are working on the greatest pop punk transformation cover EVER. we've been sneaking it in the jam sessions every chance we get. I'm so fucking excited.

aand I'm going to see paramore next wednesday. just ben, ryan and I. ryan and I were laughing about how their entire set is just going to be our inside jokes. I can't wait. I've been needing something like this for a good while. that and circa survive this weekend. best birthday gifts...especially with the whole idea of me feeling old. I get to be a kid on these 2 shows.

fuck EVERYTHING else...for now.

;]

i forgot how to post pictures. help?

i'm starting to calm down a bit...a bit.

i need to get out on the road again. i miss that feeling. november 23rd. i'm waiting for you.

im working friday's and saturday's at the restaurant. i really like it. i get to put on my happy face and be social. i think it's helping. it definitely entertains me. plus i get to spend time with moms.

my drawings are getting weirder. i like it. they come out of nowhere.

i'm done rambling, though i do love to ramble.

ramble on rambler rambleson. ram ram for short.

p.s. 22 is now 5 days away. where the fuck did the time go? i'm getting old.

i was looking through my old journal...thoroughly.

my god i've changed..

reading old entries made me want to vomit. i was so dramatic. maybe i still am? i just know my perception of it all is entirely different than it used to be. 1, 2, squeeze till you're blue. 3, 4 shot the whore. 5, 6 ridiculous 7, 8 it's much too late. 9, 10 far from the end.

fuck it.

you'll never see me cry about something senseless like that again.

i know. don't worry about it.

i want wings. a lot of wings. hot ones. and beer. yea, beer. that sounds amazing right about now.

go get 'em tiger.

it's pretty up and down. it's always been.

i won't go to a doctor because i'll most likely just explode with laughter in his or her face.

On the upside, i've been jamming a lot more on my guitar. Well, of course, but i mean a lot less metal. It's coming out naturally. All these rhythyms and melodies i didn't even know i had stored up in there. I can sing.

My drawings have been getting more and more intense. I'll post something soon. I'm probably the only one who's going to see them but you know i'm talking to myself as i type this.

I miss the old days. I want to be 16 again. I want to be oblivious. I want to be blind.




I just lied. 



the drones will tell you that it takes two to tango.
we are rogues.
we don't dance the dances of the plagued.
we know it only takes one to get the job done.
how fortunate.
we are 2 halves.

 well we can all be poetic and dramatic can't we.

i've officially separated myself from "the herd" and im not so sure what to think about it. hate hate hate. thats what the guy in my ear tells me. and i do do dooo.

i jsut don't find much satisfaction in much anymore. i can narrow it down. guitar, drawing, sushi and watching everyone seek fulfillment..and fail haha 

there's always a new one. always a new one. and the old ones seem to just filter themselves out without me really having to try. i kind of like it that way. i have enough going through my head for me to even want to consider letting anything else bother me.

sex isn't even satisfying anymore. i would rather cut her throat and watch it rain. kind of freaky isn't it.

there's no question marks on purpose. i'm not asking questions anymore. i have no questions.

fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. this is my campaign ad.

i am the new ignorance. i am the new cover of every magazine you live your life by. i am the tv station. the reporter whores. i am your school text book. i am your teacher. i am everything you wish you were.

i am the system